i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
