I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
