hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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