I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize