I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
