$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
