i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
