she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
