Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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