I'm drive I can fine osifer
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
