i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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