You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
