I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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