now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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