Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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