i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
