I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize