no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
