i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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