You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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