He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
