Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize