Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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