god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
