Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
