Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
