You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
