this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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