life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
