she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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