Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
