you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
