literally had 100 drinks last night.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
