oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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