what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
