oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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