Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
