Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
