It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize