Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
