i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
