Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
