I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
