eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
