my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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