Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
