He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
