You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
