Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
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