I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
