dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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