porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
