no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
