meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
