I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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