If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
is that a dick in a sweater?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
