god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
