forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
