Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
