I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
