i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
