A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
