I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
birth control should be required to get into college
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize