Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize