no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
