Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
