yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
