I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
