I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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