it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
