Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize