I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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