I think scott just propositioned me for sex
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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